6th Grade Here We Come! {Middle School Vs. Autism}

Wow! The last bit of school was great, the summer was even better, & as I came to the realization that I was about to have a 6th grader this week I did several things. 1st. Melt Into A Puddle Of Dad Sludge  2nd. I put myself back together thanks to the nice people at Blue Bell :) 3rd. I decided it was about time to jump back to the blog! That's when I realized that I hadn't posted, other than small social media posts, since march! Wow!

Things have been good! We took the summer head on with the boys first trip to my favorite place on earth, Colorado! Pikes peak was below freezing, hiking in the Rock Mountain National Park, & having snowball fights in the middle of summer were just a few of the things we did. You can see some highlights from our trip on our photography blog if it tickles your fancy! I think I've just about got my wife convinced that if I can market our studio in CO a bit & book enough weddings as well as portrait sessions we may try to start spending a month or two in the summer there. We'll cross our fingers.

Like I said, 6th grade! How did this happen? I remember him being born, taking a first step, & then BAM here we are. Don't even get me started on the other two boys, Zion (with an anxiety disorder & MERLD) started the 3rd grade & Deano (Completely painfully NT to the bone) starts 1st grade. This summer has been so amazing, it was like we took a vacation from Autism! Granted I know we still did the same things we always do; routines, de-stressing, all of our autism adaptations. The difference this summer was it was all normal for us, no big hiccups or hurdles! We just rolled through. It was great! That's why I think it was even more scarier than I thought it was going to be when it was time to snap back to the real wold & start gearing up for middle school. All of a sudden I was all 'BACK TO THE WAR ROOM' starting to plan strategies for the transition & digging out my big boy panties to make sure we are ready to go to bat for the kid. 

When we heard that the orientation was a 'Drop off the kids, parents aren't welcome till the end of the day' style thing I went into 'Its okay, Its okay, I'll just talk it out' mode but when I couldn't get ahold of anyone to talk to I escalated to Dad-Con 4. My wife put it out on Facebook & what happened? The teachers, staff, & principal from the elementary school stepped up (a lot of them are on our Facebook) to give support as well as advice. The principal even made a call to the middle school personally to talk to them about Jayden & to make sure someone gave me a call to talk about him! It doesn't get any better than that. She really went above & beyond, I don't know what we would do with out such an amazing set of advocates in our corner! I know not everyone has that so I'm being mindful to stay thankful. 

He came from the first day excited. The fact that he has science the first hour of the day & is working on picking what instrument he wants to play in the band is great. We are currently deciding between the xylophone & the snare drum so that should be… interesting… yeah, that's the word I'll use! 

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to keep up to date on Facebook.

I love that this photo captures the boys 100% Zion makes a goofy face (his classic defense mechanism), Jayden makes not a drop of eye contact, & Dean is just as A-Typical as you can get!!

Not Even Jenny McCarthy Believes Jenny McCarthy Anymore!! {The Great Autism Flip-Flop}

I need to charge my phone!

   When I read about Jenny McCarthy or see her speak on TV I sometimes feel like I should be watching the trailer for a bad scary movie! The deep movie guy voice comes on.. "In a world where crazy is used as currency… One woman is the richest in the land…" It's not to hard to find out how I feel about her, her views, & the super harmful misinformation she spreads without any facts or real knowledge to back it up. I hadn't heard from her in a while & we try to keep clear of The View as well but someone just posted this on my Facebook & I was pretty….well see for yourself! "Jenny McCarthy Abandons Her Controversial Position On Vaccines"
   Really? Really!?! Come on now. I'm sorry but when I saw this I really had to check twice to see if this was something Jon Stewart posted or maybe a satire news site like the Onion but nope! You spent the last 7 years spouting anti vaccine propaganda & being the driving force behind an organization that scares the crap out of me!
   Her preaching her crazy then flipping on it reminds me of a guy I used to know! He had something similar going on in his life…

  Man! That really happened! You can really just do almost anything you want when you are a celebrity & have some money. Crazy! Anyway…I'm pushing my soap box back under the table! I know I've got some of you who are anti vaccine & maybe even a couple McCarthy fans (I'm sure she has done some good things, I don't know of any but it could happen) but its just an issue I'm passionate about, I've spent to many years working in ambulances & the ER to not be vocal about something that I know saves lives!

An Open Letter To My Children On This, Our 5th Day Snowed In Together

To: The leadership of the "KIDS" tribe of the Hibben Home

From: Dad aka 'Hey You' aka 'Dude' aka 'Momma…I mean Dad'

Date: Sunday, Dec. 8th 2013 @7:40PM After receiving the call that school is cancelled tomorrow

Dear Sirs,

   I have just been notified that school will NOT be in session tomorrow & as a result of this as well as the thick ice that is on our street we will be forced to co-habitat in this house without the possibility of 'Me Time' for, I believe, the 5th day. I say I believe because I have lost count at this point & it feels like it's been 100 years.
   As this situation is unavoidable due to my wife, your mother's, mandate that I not "Endanger The Children's Lives" by taking unnecessary trips to wal-mart I have come up with a few simple terms that will make for a truce that I know both our people's can live with so that peace & harmony will be enjoyed by all.

The Treaty Of Squatting Kid Creek

Terms:

• If kids awake before sunrise or, more importantly, before Dad-Rise the kids CAN play Minecraft, watch 'Netflix Kids', play iPad games or any other Parent-Sanctioned activity as long as that activity meets the following requirements: It Doesn't Wake The Parents!
• Pop Tarts, OJ, & Multiple Cereals will be made available to your people but NO, I repeat NO, Rice Crispy Treats may be touched. 
• This land we share overflows with resources: iPad, iPod, TV, Netflix, Wii, & 2 iMac Computers. These resources must be shared by your people & not fought over because someone is putting lava on someone else's house in minecraft or another obvious act of war.

 Violation of these terms will be viewed as an ACT OF WAR against Dad & you will be retaliated against with the full force of the Parental Arsenal.

  I know if these terms are agreed to & the members of your tribe abide by them we will all live in peace. With a bit of understanding & you three steering clear of my room so I don't get woken up before 6:30AM I know we will not end up like the Donner Party…I'm looking at you middle son…I WILL cook you rotisserie style!

4" Of Snow & 16 Degrees Outside! Fun…for about 7 minutes

Dean loves him some snow angels! 

The Photographers Kids! {Taking Pictures Of Aspies}

     For couple of professional photographers you would think that we would have awesome family photos all over our home! I mean really, pictures is all we do 7 days a week 365 days a year! Nope! The last photo with all four of us in it was about 4 years ago. Not only is it hard to pay someone to do what you do for a living but it's also that fact that after taking thousands of photos a month you have a style you like. All that being said it adds a layer of difficulty to the task when you are dealing with any kid with special needs, I'm sure you all feel me there! You learn to love the picture of your little one looking off into space as long as there is a good smile or making that face that they always make! That's my style anyway, we have never been a fan of the Wal-Mart Portrait Studio 'Turn Your Head To The Right & Smile' style of photography. I hate that stuff! We did a promotion this fall where we did a massive amount of families in 30 min intervals in a pre-set scene. It was awesome! So why not throw our family in there, set the camera, & have someone push the button! (We have tried the timer function before & NOOOOOO way is that worth the trouble!) After seeing the end result as well as some others we snapped while warming up to do the family portrait I got to thinking how much easier it is now days than it used to be!
     I have photographed Jayden for a long time & we have photographed other kids on the spectrum, parents like it because they know I'm not going to get impatient or upset because I know what it's like working with autism. It's either a very slow stand offish process or a very high intensity in your face process! Either way they are some of my favorite shoots. I got to thinking, what have we done to work up to having Jayden take an amazing photo every time you point a camera in his face!

This was a fart sound induced smile!

• The camera is always around! In one form or another we always have a camera & are shooting photos! After it becomes the norm then the camera is not some scary thing or a big deal at all.
• Showing the picture! My own kids, sessions with kids on the spectrum, or even NT kids all the same I show them their picture! Let them see the end result & how great it is! Positive reinforcement!
• No forced looks or smiles. This is actually easier for families on the spectrum because they are not so hell bent on an everyone smile & tilt your head to the left photo! Call it lifestyle photography, call it photojournalism, what ever just take it as it happens. That's when the real smiles come. Then it's just a matter of a stolen glance your way that's captured to make an amazing photo. 
• Snap, Snap, Snap! I can go into a session with NT kids & come out with 700 photos & work that down to 60 amazing images. I pay my mortgage with photography & my camera cost me more than my first cars combined so maybe you shouldn't shoot 700 but always take a 'Better To Much Than Not Enough' mentality when it comes to shooting pictures. You can always delete the blurry ones & the ones of the back of their head!

Camping, Special Needs Style {The Good, The Bad, & The Exhausting }

When I was a kid I was a Boy Scout. In fact, though I hate the politics & intolerance they show today, I'm very proud to say that I'm an Eagle Scout! Nothing would have made me happier than to load the kids up & head out into the back country for a week long backpacking trip but for two major reasons that just not going to happen. 1.) I've got 2 kids with special needs. 2.) I'm 31 & Fat!

Zion reeled this monster in all alone!
He was so proud of himself but stood
over me to ensure I didn't hurt the fish
while I was getting the hook
 out to set it free!

Jayden is not into it & while we will with out a doubt be doing some fall day trips, camping is just not his thing! So he used the time to go on a date with Samantha to a nice restaurant. Our NT son Dean is ALL ABOUT IT! He wants to camp, shoot, hunt, fish, catch bugs, & is convinced that a spear I made him is all he needs to take on a bear of any size! Zion, our 7 year old middle son, is an enigma though. Zion was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder & Mixed Expressive Receptive Language Disorder but now that he is older we are just not sure. Isn't that the way it goes! When we had him evaluated he only talked to my wife & I. Teachers, family, & others only got a bit of chatter but not much. Now that he is more open to talk & really be observed its getting more obvious that somethings going on. Meltdowns, hand ticks, counting, repetitive tasks, & some of the most irrational fears & neuroses I've ever seen. It all adds up to....me having indigestion a need for Tylenol! 

All that being said he REALLY wanted to go camping! Really? Camping? A kid who changes cloths 4 times a day because he got a drop of water on his shirt. Really? Camping? The kid who refuses to eat food after a fly lands on it because he learned about flies & how they throw up to eat so there is no way he is eating microscopic fly puke! Really? Camping? The kid....wait...(my wife just went in the restroom to throw up! I know she is about the hurl because she turned on the sink because, even after 5 years of being married to me, she still insists that there are things we don't share. Oddly enough, all of the things we don't share happen in the bathroom & vomiting is one of them! That includes kid vomit...we don't share...apparently it's all mine!) Okay where was I....oh yeah. So I'm shocked Zion wants to go camping but what the heck, lets go I said. 

It was almost 100 degrees at around 5:30 when we got there but we tuffed it out. We fished, explored, ate hot dogs cooked on the fire, & even shot their first Red Ryder BB Gun. (and no one shot their eye out!) At about 8:30 I realized we were all running thin. You could ring us all three out like a wet rag & I'm sure the smell was awesome! At 9:30pm after an hour of my best negotiating they loaded up in the car, in their under-roo's, in pitch black, & I used a small flashlight to breakdown the campsite so we could go. I had to stop 3 times during the breakdown to get 2 grasshoppers & 1 moth out of the car after hearing Zion meltdown. With everything loaded we got about half a mile down the road & had to stop one more time because of a killer mosquito flying around that Zion freaked about. Then it was finally on to sonic drive in for a bottles of water & then home to let mom take care of us!! It was so much fun even with the last hour. I hope you enjoy the photos I've included to document our adventure.

P.S. Don't worry about Samantha, though she's not feeling well she will be okay! I, on the other hand, will probably be in some form of trouble after she reads this post only to realize I've documented her porcelain prayers :) I'm in so much trouble! ;)

Be Very Very Quiet...

How about I shoot YOUR eye out!

Fishing our hearts out!

I roast children!! 

Probably in the top 10 all time dad moments! Epic Fatherhood Win!

They were super impressed how fast I started the fire! I was super impressed how well I
was able to hide the fire starter log under the sticks!

Exploring 12 acres of awesomeness. Lots of screaming because of bugs but awesome! 

He hit the target dead on first time! Thats how I'm telling the story...I wont mention that after he did he threw the gun & ran to the target to see. We are still working on safety but thats why dad loaded 1 BB at a time!

Did it rain? Did we go swimming? NOPE! Thats all sweat! Time to go home!

The nasty aftermath of Oklahoma Heat & being up at 10PM

I didn't want to do that thing where you forget how much something sucked because you only
remember the good parts so I snapped a pick of me so I would think carefully about it before
another last minute camping trip in freakin' August!

How To Make Anti-Social Kids Social! {Uh...Force Them Of Course}

Hibben Lemonade Inc. crushing competitors since 2013

We had the bright idea last week to have a garage sale. It's 100 degrees in Oklahoma right now so, I mean, why NOT do something that requires you to sit out in the heat for several hours while most 60 something ladies peruse through your stuff letting you know that the fall scarecrow door hanger is in fact NOT worth the .50 cents you marked it with! If you want this thing sold it's got to be .25 & not only she's firm on that quarter but willing to walk back to her 2013 Lincoln Navigator & head to the next yard sale if you're not going to play ball!

We thought we would plant the idea of a Lemonade Stand for the kids & it worked. I thought it would be a fight but Samantha had them totally pegged as being into it! I was sure the anti-social shut in odd balls would take a "Not No But Hell No" stance that I would have to bribe/negotiate into a solid "Okay, if we have to."(I have no idea where they get that from as I plug away on the computer instead of being outside on a beautiful sunny day) They really got into it! Dean grabbed the perfect cash register (a bloody zombie head), Jayden made the advertisements, & Zion.....complained about the heat until we let him go back inside. A success none the less! $12 for the two day permit to have the sale, $5 in lemonade stand supplies & price stickers, & we made about $80. Well worth it to clean out the garage & get rid of crap that's to nice to throw away but not nice enough to still be in the house. I'm just sayin'...

The amazement that is The Trash Truck!

Parenting Vs. Sanity {Drop the kids with grandma & go on vacation together!}

Lots of good! That's the best way I can describe the last few weeks! Yeah, there are some bad, sad, & down right crap things mixed in there but the good far out weighs all! I mean really, life if like a box of chocolates; You never know what you're going to get! Unless you choose your own selection of chocolates and use the clear descriptions on the packaging along with helpful photographs of each individual type so you don't get confused.



In CO hiking in the RMNP

Anyway, I'm a firm believer in the age old solid parenting that my mom & dad subscribed to: "Every once in a while, drop those brats off & head out of town without them!" Okay, Okay, so that sounds a little harsh but you don't know what it's like here! The get up at 7AM, eat, fight with each other, ask me 374 questions (362 of those questions are asking for a snack or juice), play games/watch some TV, fight over previous mentioned games/TV, get so exhausted from fighting they need a snack, repeat, repeat, repeat!!! AAAHHHH! Has school started yet? We enroll on Monday... I can do this!

We try to do a lot with the kids that they are into. Swimming, games, museums, & movies are all summer filling awesomeness. BUUUTTT at least once a summer (probably less) mom & dad have to get away to save their sanity! Our 5 year wedding anniversary was just a few weeks ago so I decided to book us a trip to Estes Park, CO. A great condo right on Fall River & a trip into the Rock Mountain National Park for day hikes. Samantha was surprised, excited, & I think pretty happy with it all! She had never been west of Oklahoma & had never seen real mountains so I was super happy I could share my love of Colorado with her finally. It was amazing to say the least! I realized about half way up the mountain that I'm freakin' 31!! So, before we go again (I really want to take her to the top of Mt. Wheeler & Mt. Walter in NM) I MUST...how you say...not be so fat!


At Mills Lake in the Rock Mountain National Park

Stopped Off @ Sarah Sarah Cupcakes for a break

Since we have been back we managed to get all our back to school shopping done. I'm not near as crazy nervous about school starting this year because, though its super depressing he is going into the 5th grade, I know the school is looking out for us & I know the principal is really on our side! Next year I don't even want to think about because I'll probably be a puddle of dad stress! I'm not ready for the change to middle school so I'm just going to pretend like that's not on the horizon & enjoy this year of relatively low stress.

 

Mills Lake - Just amazing!

 

She attracts bears...BEARS!!

 

Why don't girls take Dilbert style selfies?

 

 

Moments like this put everything in perspective!

 

Sitting on a cliff, overlooking all this I decided to snap a pic with my iphone instead of the big camera. Somehow I had cell service!?! So odd! uh...yeah I called my mom...

 

Family Vs. Fire {A Year In Recovery, A Year In Review}

One year ago today my family wife & I left our house at about 9am to head for Oklahoma City for an afternoon together to celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary that was the next day. While we were shopping, around lunch time, I got a call from my grandfather who is a retired firefighter that always listens to the scanner.  I can still hear his words "I think your house is on fire".  A twenty minute drive later we came upon the firefighter trying their best in 100 degree heat to put out the fire that had obviously been burning for hours before anyone could call 911.  All that was left was a ceder chest that was still on fire when it was pulled out but never the less it mostly protected our family photos, kids memory books, & some other important documents. You can read the full post just 48 hours after it happened here.

These guys were awesome!

We tried to bring it up to the kids so we could talk about it a bit but they were not having it. The youngest two reflected a bit & were happy about how great life is but not Jayden. You know, even after all this time, his autism still catches me off guard.  When we talked a few days ago about the anniversary of the fire he pulled me aside & said "Daddy, I have a question. Why would you want us to celebrate a disaster? That doesn't really make sense." So we had a talk about not celebrating the disaster but the resilience of our family & our ability to pick ourselves us in the face of tragedy instead of feeling sorry for ourselves. We talked about how much better our life is than even before the fire. I was very happy we got to talk about how when bad things happen there is always hope & if you just keep your head up & move forward you will get to where you need to be. We use hard times & tragedies not as a crutch but as a fuel for the fire.

It's a hard thing for a family to have everything dear to them torn away but disaster but it's also a good thing. We realized what was important in life, learned how strong we really are, & saw the good in a lot people. We are a better and a stronger family now. My wife & I have a better marriage even. The boys rarely even talk about the fire anymore. It's just something that happens & when it comes up its not really a super sad thing to talk about. It's amazing how fast kids can bounce back after something like that.

I think one of the most amazing things about the fire was witnessing our friends and family come together to support us. I should not say friends and family because the way the autism community and the readers of this blog showed out for our family qualifies you all as family. Sunday Stilwell and an  Of special needs parents raised $5000 for us and a time when we only had the money in our pocket and the cloths on our back. I will never forget that. And while I can't pay everyone back I can pay everything forward.

PS The moral of this story is not burn down your house & your life will be better! ;)

I'm not sure what RedBox movie that was melted to the TV but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be late

Our bedroom, I always knew it got hot in the bedroom but man!! This is crazy!

Shortly after the fire, when we found a new place to live, we had a House 'Warming" Party! Compare the cake to the photos of the house on the day of the fire! They match up, event the firetruck is in the right place!! My mom rocks at cakes!

A few small scraps of one of Jayden's many notebooks. He found these & brought them to me

Everyone coping however they can as Samantha goes through & airs out wet photos

Our New Web Show!!

 I thought it would be a cool thing to do a new video. We have done one or two in the past & people respond to them very well. It helped me a lot when we first started going through diagnosis to see other kids that were just like my son. So after we talked to him about it a bit he not only liked the idea but liked the idea of doing several. After hashing out some details on what to talk about. (Not to autism/aspergers heavy) he wanted to call it Around The World With Aspergers! I loved it! Below is our first video like this. A bit about what he thinks about having Asperger's; the good as well as the bad & a bit about one of his favorite subjects.....minecraft! Yeah, you other aspie parents feel my pain there right? yeah....minecraft but he loves it! There will be more to come with not only loads of talk about everything from Skylanders to Science but about autism related talk & maybe even go over some of the questions we get in our inbox from time to time. We hope you enjoy!

9 Year Old Boy Vs. Autism

     My son is pretty relaxed, all things considering. I mean, for a kid with high functioning autism Jayden is pretty flexible & after everything we have been through I'm amazed every day with him. As I'm sure a lot of you know it's very hard to know when dealing with an autistic kid what is being a kid & what is autism. We struggle with this all the time, as do a lot of families. Today I saw a rare glimpse of the two in a fight! The 'kid with autism' HATES to have his face touched, head touched, & anything on his skin. BUT! The '9 year old boy' LOVES Halloween & loves to go all out! This evening we dressed them up to head to our youngest son's Pre-K Fall Carnival.  On one hand he knew he didn't like the process of getting it one but on the other hand he knew that if he was going to be the vampire he wanted to be it was a necessary evil! I think the above picture says it all! He was a trooper & got it done. If there is one thing our kids love is dressing up for Halloween! Take a look below at our end results!