Hate Is A Strong Word For An 11 Year Old!

These first days of middle school have been rough to say the least. Problems were written on the board for them to copy down & answer. He copied the first one down & answered, then the second, then the third, then class was over. Did we copy all the problems down first then go back an answer them? Nope! Already we are having a mix of homework misplaced, not done, or hidden as to not have to cut into his personal time at home.

After finding some of the work hidden in the back of his binder & him coming clean that he hid it as to not have to do it we had a little bit of a blow out & that included punishment but after that it seemed as though we were doing good. That is until I found work as well as a weekly progress report showing missing work with a note from his teacher that didn't make it out of his bag. Its so hard because I know some of it is Autism & some of it is 11 year old boy but those two mesh together so much its hard to tell what is one or the other. So needless to say we came to blows (put down the phone, stop calling DHS, not those kind of blows!) There was an unabashed conversation about his inability to carry much of any of his own responsibilities, there was a calling out of his failure to do work that is required even if he thinks he shouldn't have to do it, & there were tears! Whats the last thing you want to do to a kid with autism before you send him to middle school… pretty much everything I just said I did but what are you going to do!?! At some point you see him getting older & realize he is that scary in between that terrifies me! He is so high functioning that he can do these things but he still has flippin' autism so these things are sometimes ridiculously hard for him to do or understand but again at the same time he has to be prepared for high school, college, life, a job, & an unforgiving society that in most cases would rather eat him alive than cut him a break.

When he got home we backed off a bit & tried to just help with work but give lots of support. Trying to stay consistent in our approach is one of the hardest parts because with any other kid you would be like
'okay, this isn't working lets switch it up' & that will just confuse this kid. I knew this was all coming, I knew that autism was a rock, middle school was a hard place, & we would eventually get stuck in-between them but I just didn't think it would happen this fast. All this I can handle! All these things I can swallow! All these things you have just read we can overcome. That is after I'm able to get over what we founding his school folder:

Let me tell you, I sat & watched them Emmy's last night just to see if they called my name because I feel like I should get some kind of award for me performance as 'Dad who comes at the situation with an even hand despite their heart being ripped out of my chest' My wife handled it better than I did but we had a talk about hate, parents, self pity, responsibility, growing up, & more. With any luck we've made some progress but you can't know until you let it ride to see. I know the kid doesn't hate me. I know that we will get through all this. I know that he will be able to take on all this new stuff but knowing all that doesn't mean any of it comes easy.

A Once In A Lifetime Trip To The Zoo! {Take THAT Autism}

I've fallen off the blogging wagon here recently & after talking to my brain (better known as my wife) I realize it's mainly because things have been super good! That's not something I like to admit, that I blog more when things are hard with my son, but it's totally true! I imagine it's because blogging is cathartic but I know that reading good news is cathartic of me so maybe my good times blogs will help others! Speaking of good times blog… MAN do I have one!

I'm going to keep this short because no words can translate how much of a big deal this is & I know you all can feel that as well. It wasn't that long ago my son wouldn't touch some things, wouldn't eat somethings, he had a lot of texture issues. We have worked on that as well as his other reservations & issues. These were put to the test this weekend & got blown out of the water! I've said it before & now I am even more convinced that when autism butts heads with 11 year old boy 99% of the time 11 year old boy will win!

We are wedding photographers & photography takes us some pretty amazing places! We get to interact with celebrities on a regular basis, we travel to amazing locations, & we become part of our clients lives. We photographed a wedding at the Oklahoma City Zoo last year & we thought we hit the jackpot because I LOVE the zoo! Shortly after that wedding we got a call from the events manager who worked with us on that day, she was getting married & wanted to book us. I met them & shortly after did their engagement photos, it was beautiful. After getting a job offer at another venue that she couldn't pass up she decided to leave the Zoo after many years of being a part of that family. To remember those times & as a cool one of a kind couple shoot she arranged for crazy behind the scenes access at the Zoo & asked us to go with them to photograph the day. Not only photograph but bring the kids along to let them be a part of it as well! Giant Galapagos tortoise, bears, sea lions, seals, giraffes, stingrays, & more! All three boys, including Jayden, jumped in & those autism issues that we work through & that rear their head at times just disappeared giving way to the excitement of having your face kissed by a sea lion!

Petting a stingray.. just an average sunday!

Like a very wet dog!

Feeding the stingrays

Getting a feel right after watching them get a bath

Our new family photo!

They REALLY wanted to ride him!

Feeling the texture of a 100 year old shell

I'm not sure if he was shocked at the mouth or mimicking the bite but I love that face!

This one followed Zion around because his shirt was the same color as a carrot! 

Tug O War!

Yummy!

I don't think either one of them knew what to think about the other!

No one is shy!

Learning… up close & personal

One big happy family

Say AWWWWWW 

No, your breath is great! A bit fishy but great!

Valentines Day, Shmalentines Day & Birthday Blues

The Family Band

We are not Valentines Day people. The kids get some candy at school, my parents (as they do for every holiday) get gifts for everyone, but that's about it! My wife & I have never really done Valentines, it's just not something that has ever appealed to us. (Trying not to sound like one of your annoying pretentious faceboook friends! You know the one I'm talkin' about "I don't celebrate the commercialization of my love by the card companies!") We just spend a lot of time together since we work together & we do what we want when ever we want so every day is like valentines. All that being said we do use any excuse at all to spend time together. As a gift last week my wife gave me the wink to let me know it was okay to buy a beautiful guitar I have had my eye on for a long time.

   My geek dad dreams came true the other day when they boys came home to see it & Jayden pulled up a can to show me how he could keep the beat with any song I played. When we started to play (& he kept perfect time) the other two come running in with a keyboard & little guitar to play as well! I'm trying not to show my excitement but they were totally into it as we sat & played bluegrass songs I was pretty much in heaven! Best Day Ever.

   Jayden will be 11 tomorrow, February 15th, so we have had a trip to the Oklahoma Science Museum on the books for a while. It was supposed to be a family trip until today when Zion got in the car from school & was white as a ghost! That sheet white, ashy gray lips, & sunken in eyes that screams "Death Warmed Over". Getting him home we fired up a breathing treatment & checked his vitals. If you know anything about O2% then you know from the photo he was about 3 shades of up creek without a paddle. Zion's asthma & weak lungs are a constant worry but he has been so good for a long while now with only a few little attacks but today he had me worried there for a second! Breathing treatments, steroids, some smart water & we were right as rain… as much as can be expected anyway. Both he & my youngest are starting to look/feel sick so we tried to roll with it! They can just go to grandma's house while mom, Jayden, & I head to the museum for birthday fun! Day saved! No sooner did we come to that idea did I look over & Jayden looked like… well…. take a look…

From Fine to Sick In 30 Minutes Flat! A New House Record!!

  Yeah, all of a sudden it hit him! Watery eyes, the nose, the tummy, & a head ache. A big dose of medicine later we will see how things look in the morning. We may be hanging at the house for our 11th birthday. A good night sleep will tell I guess. I hope all of you are staying warm with the weather the way it is in the east. It was snowing & a for a week didn't get above freezing but now it's in the 60's. with the 70's on their way next week. Crazy Oklahoma weather. Anyway, happy Valentines Day from us to you!

Realizing I'm Not The Best Dad {& I'm Okay With That}

   I've never been big on calling parents heroes, unless of course that parent rescued a kid from an icy lake or something like that!  This is just me though. I'm cool with the use of the word or phrases like Autism Warrior Parents & others like that. It's cool, it's just not me!

 Even when I was working in EMS full time we would go into the local Walgreen's where a nice young lady worked who my partner & I worked on after a really bad car wreck. Every time we would go in she would tell everyone standing in line the story of how she crashed & couldn't remember anything but our faces as she drifted in & out of consciousness.  She insisted we saved her life, we were heroes, we were angels, but we weren't heroes…we weren't angels…we were medics & that's what medics do. I feel the same about fatherhood. A lot of time I get the 'Man, your the greatest dad' card or 'Your kids are so lucky to have such an amazing dad'. It's super flattering & I'm always as gracious as possible but in my eyes I'm not the greatest dad! The kids aren't always lucky to have me! I think the word hero is thrown around to easily these days. Again I say that's just my opinion.

   This blog is a part of it as well. I get emails talking about how I'm a hero for autism or Super Dad! Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on myself I just realize that I'm not the best dad. Not only is that okay but I think it's a good thing. I've decided if I could point out or shine a light on my flaws, & if people could see them but still realize that we get by okay. We deal with the good times & we hit the hard times head on. In the end everything turns out just fine. Maybe if it's clear that if this mediocre parent like me can rock the crap out of Autism & parenthood in general then who knows what you can do!

I get a lot of emails asking advice during hard times. I relate the best I can, tell them how I would do it or what I did when we were in a similar situation. I also usually make a point to tell them that I don't have any good advice other than it's not easy, black & white, or the same with any two kids. All I know is if you do your best & work hard to advocate for your kid your bound to catch a break sometime! That doesn't always sound too promising to a lot of parents but I find it funny that we autism parents have a different view. Us autism parents are not so Glass Half Full & not so much Glass Half Empty but more "Really The Glass Is Spilled All Over The Table Again? Well At Least The Glass Isn't Broken This Time!" We can find a little glimmer of hope in just about anything. We have to! If not you'll go crazy!
   
Well, I hope this came across like I wanted it to. I hope I didn't come off as a... you know…

 I had the awesome opportunity to appear on Autism-Live last week! Check out the clip below. If you've never heard of Autism-Live they have a bunch of great resources so check them out.



****UPDATE****

P.S. I realize after publishing this blog, I felt really good about the message but also realized I didn't really point out any of my flaws so I wanted to address those here:

Tom's Flaws & Shortcomings As Not Only A Father But Husband:

• I am THE single most sarcastic person on the face of the planet! Yes, I have a kid with Asperger's & I can not help but use relentless sarcasm 100% of the time!
• I sing everything I say to my wife… really like 70% of everything out of my mouth is in song form. I make up songs to tell her dinner is ready, I make up songs to tell her I need to run to the dollar store, make up wildly inappropriate songs to badger/heckle/razz her , & yes I make up songs to intise her to... love me ;)  (HUSBANDS please note that the last song type mentioned works only about .001% of the time & even when you break out the Antonio Bandarez voice it will still be very unsuccessful!)
• I sometimes let the kids say bad words when mom isn't around! That's right, I said it! When my wife is out of the house we fart, say off limits words like crap, & make inappropriate jokes about nuts! (They went to see the new animated movie Nut Job & came back with a new slew of "Hey daddy, the squirrel was trying to hide his….nuts hahahaha! Yeah so that's inappropriately cute but when my youngest got in the car the other day & said to his mom "It's so cold out there! I'm freezin my nuts off!" We both got a talking to & now don't make those jokes!)
• Lastly, my full luscious head of hair. These kids think that they are gonna be okay but they are not. Every guy in my family is bald.  I've just dodged a bullet by some sort of sick luck & will almost, without a doubt, be bald by the late thirties! (This is simultaneously a bad thing for that reason & one of the only things I still have going for me as well!)

Okay okay you think a guy could be serious for a second but nope, I can't! Sorry! :) 

It's IceMageddon Outside! {Wait, where are this kids shoes!?}

   So, as a lot of you all know because you're feeling it as well, a massive ice storm has hit a big portion of the United States. As far as we are concerned it wasn't a huge deal because… well… we are from Oklahoma & weather here is crazy to say the least. Tornados, 50 degree temp ranges with in the same day, & even the occasional earthquake. It was 70 degrees a few days ago & now everything is covered in a thick layer of ice. So this afternoon instead of getting ready for the Holiday Party that we are hosting tonight at the house I thought I would duck out & snap a few photos of the ice.
   It was all fun and games until I ventured over to the trampoline to see how bad the ice was & what do I see? A pair of brand new blue Chuck Taylor Converse pop sickles sitting in a chair that is now a block of ice!! Holy crap! I am so upset but MAN did it look cool! Hope you all are warm & ready for the Holiday! Thanks for reading!
   As I was typing this post I found out that what my dad always told me was in fact true!! I find, now that I'm done shopping, that I could have given my son the box that the presents came in!

The box my wife's present came in

Is now a "Sleep Pod"

Our Family Christmas Video 2013 {The Creepy Elf On The Shelf}

Carpooling

If you have been following this blog for a while you know that while my kids LOVE the elf on the shelf I have…mixed feelings. I am a sucker for inappropriate elves & even though the kids love him they even admit he is a bit creepy! I had a really popular post last year about our elf's adventures that you can take a look at here.
   Every year we try to do a Christmas video. Last year we did our version of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, if you haven't seen that go check it out! This year we combine the two! My dad is really crafty so when the kids got into the Elf he made a giant one for his porch & every day we dove past their house the giant elf would be doing something different on his porch! Everything from playing a big wooden banjo to…well see for yourself!

Well, I stopped off today & hijacked the giant elf & the result is creepy, funny, & did I mention creepy! The kids had a blast & it turned out so darn cute! The creepy song playing always puts it over the top for me! It's like something out of a bad B Horror Movie from 1991. Hope you enjoy!




***Edit***
I know I posted a link but after going back & viewing last years video I just had to post it on here as well! It still cracks me up!

A MineCraft Elf On The Shelf

So a couple of years ago when we first got our Elf On The Shelf we went all out & I mean ALL OUT! Elfy- Dealfy was a camper, a photographer, a Jew, & hung out with Woody from Toy Story! You can check out that post here <---  Last year not so much. Having your house burn down just a few months before will really put a damper on the whole thing. Anyway, this year I'm ready! I'm really really fighting the urge to create an adults only, wildly inappropriate blog post of Elf's gone bad so that may very well be headed your way before the end of this holiday season.

On to dad business! Tonight our elf felt a bit… MineCrafty! So using the printer, a quick print off of a random graphic from google images, & an empty Juice Box our elf became a creeper!

CREEPER!

Here is a quick rundown in pics how… I made it "OUR ELF" made it!

Drink A Juice Box…It's Good!

Cut it up & dry the inside.

I found this with a quick google image search

Folded over the juice box 

taped in place

An inside view.

All Done!

The Photographers Kids! {Taking Pictures Of Aspies}

     For couple of professional photographers you would think that we would have awesome family photos all over our home! I mean really, pictures is all we do 7 days a week 365 days a year! Nope! The last photo with all four of us in it was about 4 years ago. Not only is it hard to pay someone to do what you do for a living but it's also that fact that after taking thousands of photos a month you have a style you like. All that being said it adds a layer of difficulty to the task when you are dealing with any kid with special needs, I'm sure you all feel me there! You learn to love the picture of your little one looking off into space as long as there is a good smile or making that face that they always make! That's my style anyway, we have never been a fan of the Wal-Mart Portrait Studio 'Turn Your Head To The Right & Smile' style of photography. I hate that stuff! We did a promotion this fall where we did a massive amount of families in 30 min intervals in a pre-set scene. It was awesome! So why not throw our family in there, set the camera, & have someone push the button! (We have tried the timer function before & NOOOOOO way is that worth the trouble!) After seeing the end result as well as some others we snapped while warming up to do the family portrait I got to thinking how much easier it is now days than it used to be!
     I have photographed Jayden for a long time & we have photographed other kids on the spectrum, parents like it because they know I'm not going to get impatient or upset because I know what it's like working with autism. It's either a very slow stand offish process or a very high intensity in your face process! Either way they are some of my favorite shoots. I got to thinking, what have we done to work up to having Jayden take an amazing photo every time you point a camera in his face!

This was a fart sound induced smile!

• The camera is always around! In one form or another we always have a camera & are shooting photos! After it becomes the norm then the camera is not some scary thing or a big deal at all.
• Showing the picture! My own kids, sessions with kids on the spectrum, or even NT kids all the same I show them their picture! Let them see the end result & how great it is! Positive reinforcement!
• No forced looks or smiles. This is actually easier for families on the spectrum because they are not so hell bent on an everyone smile & tilt your head to the left photo! Call it lifestyle photography, call it photojournalism, what ever just take it as it happens. That's when the real smiles come. Then it's just a matter of a stolen glance your way that's captured to make an amazing photo. 
• Snap, Snap, Snap! I can go into a session with NT kids & come out with 700 photos & work that down to 60 amazing images. I pay my mortgage with photography & my camera cost me more than my first cars combined so maybe you shouldn't shoot 700 but always take a 'Better To Much Than Not Enough' mentality when it comes to shooting pictures. You can always delete the blurry ones & the ones of the back of their head!