Autism Parenting Tips I Learned From Dr. Sheldon Cooper

TV has a lot of really bad shows that are just mindless but sometimes you run into one that really strikes a chord. Before my son was diagnosed with Autism we had our suspicions. He had always had his challenges & difficulties. He had always been a bit odd or different from the other kids but in small town Oklahoma not only do you not know what to do about it you can't find anyone who knows anything about it! The turning point was NBC's show Parenthood, one of the kids was diagnosed with Aspergers on the show. After watching we realized that it fit how our son acted with a shocking amount of accuracy so that was our breaking point, we sought out someone who was familiar with Autism Spectrum Disorders & made his appointment or evaluation.

CBS's The Big Bang Theory is another one of those show that just hit the nail on the head! So after watching a run of episodes these last couple of days I'm realizing how accurate they really are & how shows like this that not only humanize people on the spectrum but also put a positive or humorous spin on it and it really does help with awareness & acceptance. I've already tried my hand at identifying cartoon characters that I think are on the Autism Spectrum, view that blog post here. In honor of one of my favorite characters on television, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, I thought I would share some of my favorite parenting skills that I have learned from Sheldon about raising a kid on the spectrum.

• Pick Your Battles - "My Shirt Is Itchy And I Wish I Were Dead!" Pants are the wrong texture, the collar of this shirt lays on my neck wrong, I can't wear green today! You learn to not only pick your battles but you learn what real battles are! This isn't even worth fighting over for me. He has a whole closet full of clothes in there so lets just find something that is going to be acceptable. As long as its not a silk button up shirt with cats & wizards on it I'm totally happy! PICK YOUR BATTLES PEOPLE! 

• Doing 'Stupid' Things - Okay, I've learned that this is a pretty big one. There are things that we do in this word that are stupid or silly when you think about it. Case in point? Easter Eggs, Valentines Day, little white liess, Elf On The Shelf, the list goes on & on but what most people don't have is the pleasure of having a kid that will be happy to point out how stupid those things are & you know what..? Sometimes I can't really sum up with a single reason why we do the things we do but we have to & yes it may be stupid but we have to do it! We all have family, little brothers, moms, school teachers, & others who have expectations & the while I expect the world to be accepting or accommodating  of my son, I expect my son to learn to be the same with the things he doesn't like or understand. "Let's do this stupid thing" for a kid with High Functioning Autism or Aspergers is the same as when other parents say to their NT kids "Because I said so!"

• Manners - "If you don't mind, I'd like to stop listening to you & start talking." How many of us can hear these words coming out of our own kids mouth? Then again, after thirty minutes or so of listening to the technical breakdown of how something works in Minecraft I am pretty close to saying something along these lines as well. I find it funny that if these words came out of my sons mouth he would probably think it was still considered acceptable manners because he said it politely instead of just starting to talk right over you. Everything is a work in progress! :)

• Celebrate The Small Things - If my son would eat a slice of pizza I would probably throw a party! Probably not a pizza party but a party none the less. I have bribed, threatened, tricked, lied, & my way to making him try new foods & you know what? None of that ever works. You have to just present opportunities for expansion of foods & reward/celebrate the small victories. Even if that victory is that you, the parent, made it through the day & the small celebration is a glass of wine & a bowl of ice cream from the pint you had hidden behind the mini corn dogs in the back of the freezer so no one else in the house would jack it from you… not that I know anything about that!

Thanks for reading & don't forget to follow me over on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, & on Instagram @AdventuresInAspergrs

A Once In A Lifetime Trip To The Zoo! {Take THAT Autism}

I've fallen off the blogging wagon here recently & after talking to my brain (better known as my wife) I realize it's mainly because things have been super good! That's not something I like to admit, that I blog more when things are hard with my son, but it's totally true! I imagine it's because blogging is cathartic but I know that reading good news is cathartic of me so maybe my good times blogs will help others! Speaking of good times blog… MAN do I have one!

I'm going to keep this short because no words can translate how much of a big deal this is & I know you all can feel that as well. It wasn't that long ago my son wouldn't touch some things, wouldn't eat somethings, he had a lot of texture issues. We have worked on that as well as his other reservations & issues. These were put to the test this weekend & got blown out of the water! I've said it before & now I am even more convinced that when autism butts heads with 11 year old boy 99% of the time 11 year old boy will win!

We are wedding photographers & photography takes us some pretty amazing places! We get to interact with celebrities on a regular basis, we travel to amazing locations, & we become part of our clients lives. We photographed a wedding at the Oklahoma City Zoo last year & we thought we hit the jackpot because I LOVE the zoo! Shortly after that wedding we got a call from the events manager who worked with us on that day, she was getting married & wanted to book us. I met them & shortly after did their engagement photos, it was beautiful. After getting a job offer at another venue that she couldn't pass up she decided to leave the Zoo after many years of being a part of that family. To remember those times & as a cool one of a kind couple shoot she arranged for crazy behind the scenes access at the Zoo & asked us to go with them to photograph the day. Not only photograph but bring the kids along to let them be a part of it as well! Giant Galapagos tortoise, bears, sea lions, seals, giraffes, stingrays, & more! All three boys, including Jayden, jumped in & those autism issues that we work through & that rear their head at times just disappeared giving way to the excitement of having your face kissed by a sea lion!

Petting a stingray.. just an average sunday!

Like a very wet dog!

Feeding the stingrays

Getting a feel right after watching them get a bath

Our new family photo!

They REALLY wanted to ride him!

Feeling the texture of a 100 year old shell

I'm not sure if he was shocked at the mouth or mimicking the bite but I love that face!

This one followed Zion around because his shirt was the same color as a carrot! 

Tug O War!

Yummy!

I don't think either one of them knew what to think about the other!

No one is shy!

Learning… up close & personal

One big happy family

Say AWWWWWW 

No, your breath is great! A bit fishy but great!

Mediocre Parenting Lessons From The Movie Labyrinth

I love reading these types of posts from other bloggers & I love coming up with them myself, so I decided I would take a bit to see what Parenting Nuggets one of my favorite movies growing up had to offer!

 Creatures, Babies, Monsters, David Bowie, David Bowie's Hair, & David Bowies stretchy pants have a lot to offer in the way of mediocre parenting advice.

So here we go. 

1. "I wish the goblins would come & take you away! Right Now!" 

Yeah, that's right, I started with it! The day I'm writing this post happens to be a snow day so no school on a Monday = me borderline kidding, borderline seriously asking David Bowie to appear & take these kids away to the castle. Although I'm pretty sure after about 3 hours of Minecraft YouTube tutorials & knock down drag out fights over the iPad he would just bring them back!

2. "It's not fair!!"  "You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?" 

I remember saying this to my parents & I remember the explanation. "This isn't fair dad!"  "No its not! A fair is where you go to see a bearded lady & the worlds smallest horse!" Life's not fair kids, welcome to earth.

3. "It's only forever, not long at all" 

 I try to get this across to my kids often. Fight, bicker, call names, but your family is your family forever. My rules may suck & you may in fact "NEVER TREAT MY KIDS LIKE THIS!" but like it or not I'll be your dad forever.

4. "If you so  much as set a foot in the Bog Of Eternal Stench, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life"

 Seriously, how does so much stench come out of such small kids!?! BO, Socks, Farting, Laughing so hard at the fact that they farted that they fart again, burping the alphabet, & my personal favorite… "Skid Marks" These are not the things that Mr & Mrs Cleaver dealt with, no one told me about this part! 

5. "I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, & do exactly as I say." 

Really though, that's all I ask! This one statement sums up my whole parenting strategy! Is it really to much to ask of me to never have to really get on to you kids but that you be so scared of me getting upset that you never do anything wrong!? 

6. "Things are not always what they seem in this place. So you can't take anything for granted... quite often it seems like we are not getting anywhere, when in fact we are. So the way forward is sometimes the way back…"

     Heh, will you listen to this crap? This actually comes up in my life a bunch. How may times am I giving a lecture or a stern talking to only to get tongue tied or say something stupid? The worst is when I say something while talking to the kids (as they are getting in trouble) that is also an inside joke of my wife &  I  only to hear her snickering from the other room.  Example is song lyrics. You know how hard it is when I holler at the kids "Stop What You're Doin'!" only to hear her laugh at me because we both know that we are both thinking the lyrics to the Humpty Dance by Digital Underground! 

Okay, stop what you're doin', cause I'm about to ruin the
image & the style that you're used to. I look funny but yo
I'm makin' money!

Vloging!

I really enjoy posting videos on Youtube & Jayden… well, he would live on Youtube if I let him! Really, how many Minecraft videos could there be!?!

***Side Note*** After reading this first couple of lines over my shoulder & then running to his room I was just informed that here are approximately 78,600,000 Minecraft related videos on youtube.

We have a youtube channel that I sometimes post on but after going through to review the comments (you have to keep the Internet trolls in check) I realized that I have just about 500 subscribers. Why not do some vlogs! It puts a face & voice with the blog as well as I realize that sometimes it's easier to watch a 3 minute video than it is to read a super long blog. The videos of Jayden overstimulated or even the interview style videos to get a look at his perspective are interesting, fun, & judging from the overwhelming response from readers they are helpful so check it out: Adventures In Aspergers The YouTube Channel

So head over to the Youtube Channel & subscribe! As I post videos I will post them up here on the main blog as well. I'm excited!!

Valentines Day, Shmalentines Day & Birthday Blues

The Family Band

We are not Valentines Day people. The kids get some candy at school, my parents (as they do for every holiday) get gifts for everyone, but that's about it! My wife & I have never really done Valentines, it's just not something that has ever appealed to us. (Trying not to sound like one of your annoying pretentious faceboook friends! You know the one I'm talkin' about "I don't celebrate the commercialization of my love by the card companies!") We just spend a lot of time together since we work together & we do what we want when ever we want so every day is like valentines. All that being said we do use any excuse at all to spend time together. As a gift last week my wife gave me the wink to let me know it was okay to buy a beautiful guitar I have had my eye on for a long time.

   My geek dad dreams came true the other day when they boys came home to see it & Jayden pulled up a can to show me how he could keep the beat with any song I played. When we started to play (& he kept perfect time) the other two come running in with a keyboard & little guitar to play as well! I'm trying not to show my excitement but they were totally into it as we sat & played bluegrass songs I was pretty much in heaven! Best Day Ever.

   Jayden will be 11 tomorrow, February 15th, so we have had a trip to the Oklahoma Science Museum on the books for a while. It was supposed to be a family trip until today when Zion got in the car from school & was white as a ghost! That sheet white, ashy gray lips, & sunken in eyes that screams "Death Warmed Over". Getting him home we fired up a breathing treatment & checked his vitals. If you know anything about O2% then you know from the photo he was about 3 shades of up creek without a paddle. Zion's asthma & weak lungs are a constant worry but he has been so good for a long while now with only a few little attacks but today he had me worried there for a second! Breathing treatments, steroids, some smart water & we were right as rain… as much as can be expected anyway. Both he & my youngest are starting to look/feel sick so we tried to roll with it! They can just go to grandma's house while mom, Jayden, & I head to the museum for birthday fun! Day saved! No sooner did we come to that idea did I look over & Jayden looked like… well…. take a look…

From Fine to Sick In 30 Minutes Flat! A New House Record!!

  Yeah, all of a sudden it hit him! Watery eyes, the nose, the tummy, & a head ache. A big dose of medicine later we will see how things look in the morning. We may be hanging at the house for our 11th birthday. A good night sleep will tell I guess. I hope all of you are staying warm with the weather the way it is in the east. It was snowing & a for a week didn't get above freezing but now it's in the 60's. with the 70's on their way next week. Crazy Oklahoma weather. Anyway, happy Valentines Day from us to you!

Dancing . . . With A Girl . . .

The other day I got a phone call from the mother of one of Jayden's classmates. She was so excited that they had paired up for the big dance program & wanted to see if we could co-ordinate their outfits. I'm pretty impressed with my ability to hide the "What the heck are you talking about!?" in my voice. Just rolling with the "I know, I'm so excited as well!" I got as much info as I could from her then after the phone call I did the mad-dad-dash to his room to ask the questions I should have known the answer to already! "Hey Jayden…. is there something you forgot to tell me?" … "No" "Maybe something about a dance program you are going to be in?" "Oh yeah. I'm dancing in a program" It almost seemed like he knew what we were talking about so I went out on a limb & asked "When is it buddy?"… to which he replied "I don't know!" Aaaahhhh!

This happens sometimes. His school had a program one time that he was in & once we got there were astonished to see him center stage with a singing solo! These things just don't get back to us.

   Last year he took ball room dancing & loved it. For the program he danced with a partner & then with my wife. He had such a great time! Despite the fact that we had barley even found out about the program & were shocked to see all the other kids dressed up standing beside Jayden in his bluejeans & t-shirt! NOT THIS YEAR! I have a heads up! While out looking for an outfit for him yesterday we found what may be the most epic bow tie ever! I'm a bow tie guy so I really wanted him to go that route & what better way to get him on board than an old school Mario Brothers  bow tie.  
     So, on valentines day my son will be ball room dancing with a girl from class in the school program. How did this happen! How are we dancing with girls already? I'm not ready for growing up to be here already!

Showing mom some dance moves!

Realizing I'm Not The Best Dad {& I'm Okay With That}

   I've never been big on calling parents heroes, unless of course that parent rescued a kid from an icy lake or something like that!  This is just me though. I'm cool with the use of the word or phrases like Autism Warrior Parents & others like that. It's cool, it's just not me!

 Even when I was working in EMS full time we would go into the local Walgreen's where a nice young lady worked who my partner & I worked on after a really bad car wreck. Every time we would go in she would tell everyone standing in line the story of how she crashed & couldn't remember anything but our faces as she drifted in & out of consciousness.  She insisted we saved her life, we were heroes, we were angels, but we weren't heroes…we weren't angels…we were medics & that's what medics do. I feel the same about fatherhood. A lot of time I get the 'Man, your the greatest dad' card or 'Your kids are so lucky to have such an amazing dad'. It's super flattering & I'm always as gracious as possible but in my eyes I'm not the greatest dad! The kids aren't always lucky to have me! I think the word hero is thrown around to easily these days. Again I say that's just my opinion.

   This blog is a part of it as well. I get emails talking about how I'm a hero for autism or Super Dad! Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on myself I just realize that I'm not the best dad. Not only is that okay but I think it's a good thing. I've decided if I could point out or shine a light on my flaws, & if people could see them but still realize that we get by okay. We deal with the good times & we hit the hard times head on. In the end everything turns out just fine. Maybe if it's clear that if this mediocre parent like me can rock the crap out of Autism & parenthood in general then who knows what you can do!

I get a lot of emails asking advice during hard times. I relate the best I can, tell them how I would do it or what I did when we were in a similar situation. I also usually make a point to tell them that I don't have any good advice other than it's not easy, black & white, or the same with any two kids. All I know is if you do your best & work hard to advocate for your kid your bound to catch a break sometime! That doesn't always sound too promising to a lot of parents but I find it funny that we autism parents have a different view. Us autism parents are not so Glass Half Full & not so much Glass Half Empty but more "Really The Glass Is Spilled All Over The Table Again? Well At Least The Glass Isn't Broken This Time!" We can find a little glimmer of hope in just about anything. We have to! If not you'll go crazy!
   
Well, I hope this came across like I wanted it to. I hope I didn't come off as a... you know…

 I had the awesome opportunity to appear on Autism-Live last week! Check out the clip below. If you've never heard of Autism-Live they have a bunch of great resources so check them out.



****UPDATE****

P.S. I realize after publishing this blog, I felt really good about the message but also realized I didn't really point out any of my flaws so I wanted to address those here:

Tom's Flaws & Shortcomings As Not Only A Father But Husband:

• I am THE single most sarcastic person on the face of the planet! Yes, I have a kid with Asperger's & I can not help but use relentless sarcasm 100% of the time!
• I sing everything I say to my wife… really like 70% of everything out of my mouth is in song form. I make up songs to tell her dinner is ready, I make up songs to tell her I need to run to the dollar store, make up wildly inappropriate songs to badger/heckle/razz her , & yes I make up songs to intise her to... love me ;)  (HUSBANDS please note that the last song type mentioned works only about .001% of the time & even when you break out the Antonio Bandarez voice it will still be very unsuccessful!)
• I sometimes let the kids say bad words when mom isn't around! That's right, I said it! When my wife is out of the house we fart, say off limits words like crap, & make inappropriate jokes about nuts! (They went to see the new animated movie Nut Job & came back with a new slew of "Hey daddy, the squirrel was trying to hide his….nuts hahahaha! Yeah so that's inappropriately cute but when my youngest got in the car the other day & said to his mom "It's so cold out there! I'm freezin my nuts off!" We both got a talking to & now don't make those jokes!)
• Lastly, my full luscious head of hair. These kids think that they are gonna be okay but they are not. Every guy in my family is bald.  I've just dodged a bullet by some sort of sick luck & will almost, without a doubt, be bald by the late thirties! (This is simultaneously a bad thing for that reason & one of the only things I still have going for me as well!)

Okay okay you think a guy could be serious for a second but nope, I can't! Sorry! :) 

A Minecraft Birthday! {Why Do They Have To Grow Up!}

    Our two youngest boys have birthdays 13 days apart so we usually, with their blessing, combine the parties into one. This year it had to be Minecraft! The cakes were so awesome & there are so many of your kids who are Minecraft crazy like mine I thought I would share a few pictures real quick.

   Okay, seriously though, it's not funny anymore! They can stop growing now! Today my middle son turns 8… what happened! How did he get this big? How did I get this old? Why does it all have to change? What time is it? Where are my pants? You kids get off my lawn! … Sorry, I lost track there for a minute. As I was saying he is 8 years old today despite all his neurosis (he was awake pretty much every hour on the hour last night even with a good dose of melatonin) he was pretty happy this morning.  I surprised him with his favorite breakfast this morning pancakes in funny shapes & my wife made bacon! My birthdays don't really depress me anymore…the kids birthdays… those will knock the wind out of ya!
 
   On a short side note if you don't know about the webshow Autism-Live you should check it out! It's a great resource & a lot of fun! Aaaaannnnnddd since your are already going to check it out now that I gave you a heads up on in you should totally tune into the show next week on Jan. 22 at about 11:15 or so to see…. me! I have been on a few times & it's always fun! Between that & a great opportunity I'm a part of next month where I will be speaking on a panel at the University Of Oklahoma's Children's Hospital about Autism, Immunizations, & all kinds of interesting stuff! 

They insisted that the minecraft cake have a pig on it! Non-Nagotiable!

All the staples! Pig, TNT, Steve, & a Creeper!

Making wishes!

The rare & illusive REAL smile! You don't get many of these with that kid!

Jayden, doing a good job at not being upset that this party is not about him!

The many faces of Zion!

Not Even Jenny McCarthy Believes Jenny McCarthy Anymore!! {The Great Autism Flip-Flop}

I need to charge my phone!

   When I read about Jenny McCarthy or see her speak on TV I sometimes feel like I should be watching the trailer for a bad scary movie! The deep movie guy voice comes on.. "In a world where crazy is used as currency… One woman is the richest in the land…" It's not to hard to find out how I feel about her, her views, & the super harmful misinformation she spreads without any facts or real knowledge to back it up. I hadn't heard from her in a while & we try to keep clear of The View as well but someone just posted this on my Facebook & I was pretty….well see for yourself! "Jenny McCarthy Abandons Her Controversial Position On Vaccines"
   Really? Really!?! Come on now. I'm sorry but when I saw this I really had to check twice to see if this was something Jon Stewart posted or maybe a satire news site like the Onion but nope! You spent the last 7 years spouting anti vaccine propaganda & being the driving force behind an organization that scares the crap out of me!
   Her preaching her crazy then flipping on it reminds me of a guy I used to know! He had something similar going on in his life…

  Man! That really happened! You can really just do almost anything you want when you are a celebrity & have some money. Crazy! Anyway…I'm pushing my soap box back under the table! I know I've got some of you who are anti vaccine & maybe even a couple McCarthy fans (I'm sure she has done some good things, I don't know of any but it could happen) but its just an issue I'm passionate about, I've spent to many years working in ambulances & the ER to not be vocal about something that I know saves lives!

It's IceMageddon Outside! {Wait, where are this kids shoes!?}

   So, as a lot of you all know because you're feeling it as well, a massive ice storm has hit a big portion of the United States. As far as we are concerned it wasn't a huge deal because… well… we are from Oklahoma & weather here is crazy to say the least. Tornados, 50 degree temp ranges with in the same day, & even the occasional earthquake. It was 70 degrees a few days ago & now everything is covered in a thick layer of ice. So this afternoon instead of getting ready for the Holiday Party that we are hosting tonight at the house I thought I would duck out & snap a few photos of the ice.
   It was all fun and games until I ventured over to the trampoline to see how bad the ice was & what do I see? A pair of brand new blue Chuck Taylor Converse pop sickles sitting in a chair that is now a block of ice!! Holy crap! I am so upset but MAN did it look cool! Hope you all are warm & ready for the Holiday! Thanks for reading!
   As I was typing this post I found out that what my dad always told me was in fact true!! I find, now that I'm done shopping, that I could have given my son the box that the presents came in!

The box my wife's present came in

Is now a "Sleep Pod"