Autism Parenting Tips I Learned From Dr. Sheldon Cooper

TV has a lot of really bad shows that are just mindless but sometimes you run into one that really strikes a chord. Before my son was diagnosed with Autism we had our suspicions. He had always had his challenges & difficulties. He had always been a bit odd or different from the other kids but in small town Oklahoma not only do you not know what to do about it you can't find anyone who knows anything about it! The turning point was NBC's show Parenthood, one of the kids was diagnosed with Aspergers on the show. After watching we realized that it fit how our son acted with a shocking amount of accuracy so that was our breaking point, we sought out someone who was familiar with Autism Spectrum Disorders & made his appointment or evaluation.

CBS's The Big Bang Theory is another one of those show that just hit the nail on the head! So after watching a run of episodes these last couple of days I'm realizing how accurate they really are & how shows like this that not only humanize people on the spectrum but also put a positive or humorous spin on it and it really does help with awareness & acceptance. I've already tried my hand at identifying cartoon characters that I think are on the Autism Spectrum, view that blog post here. In honor of one of my favorite characters on television, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, I thought I would share some of my favorite parenting skills that I have learned from Sheldon about raising a kid on the spectrum.

• Pick Your Battles - "My Shirt Is Itchy And I Wish I Were Dead!" Pants are the wrong texture, the collar of this shirt lays on my neck wrong, I can't wear green today! You learn to not only pick your battles but you learn what real battles are! This isn't even worth fighting over for me. He has a whole closet full of clothes in there so lets just find something that is going to be acceptable. As long as its not a silk button up shirt with cats & wizards on it I'm totally happy! PICK YOUR BATTLES PEOPLE! 

• Doing 'Stupid' Things - Okay, I've learned that this is a pretty big one. There are things that we do in this word that are stupid or silly when you think about it. Case in point? Easter Eggs, Valentines Day, little white liess, Elf On The Shelf, the list goes on & on but what most people don't have is the pleasure of having a kid that will be happy to point out how stupid those things are & you know what..? Sometimes I can't really sum up with a single reason why we do the things we do but we have to & yes it may be stupid but we have to do it! We all have family, little brothers, moms, school teachers, & others who have expectations & the while I expect the world to be accepting or accommodating  of my son, I expect my son to learn to be the same with the things he doesn't like or understand. "Let's do this stupid thing" for a kid with High Functioning Autism or Aspergers is the same as when other parents say to their NT kids "Because I said so!"

• Manners - "If you don't mind, I'd like to stop listening to you & start talking." How many of us can hear these words coming out of our own kids mouth? Then again, after thirty minutes or so of listening to the technical breakdown of how something works in Minecraft I am pretty close to saying something along these lines as well. I find it funny that if these words came out of my sons mouth he would probably think it was still considered acceptable manners because he said it politely instead of just starting to talk right over you. Everything is a work in progress! :)

• Celebrate The Small Things - If my son would eat a slice of pizza I would probably throw a party! Probably not a pizza party but a party none the less. I have bribed, threatened, tricked, lied, & my way to making him try new foods & you know what? None of that ever works. You have to just present opportunities for expansion of foods & reward/celebrate the small victories. Even if that victory is that you, the parent, made it through the day & the small celebration is a glass of wine & a bowl of ice cream from the pint you had hidden behind the mini corn dogs in the back of the freezer so no one else in the house would jack it from you… not that I know anything about that!

Thanks for reading & don't forget to follow me over on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, & on Instagram @AdventuresInAspergrs

Autism, Overstimulation, & Setbacks Oh My!

A 'Selfie' we found on my wife's phone.

The sixth grade has proved kind of a rough transition for this kid. We have forgotten work, not moved quick enough to get things done, been overstimulated to many times to count but glass half full at least we haven't had to worry about some of the crazy apocalyptic crazy thoughts that were in my head as we headed into middle school! Granted most of those were just worry wort dad thoughts & involved pretty much just crazy stories you read in the new happening verbatim to my kid. Every time I would read one of those horrifying stories about how a kid with autism was mistreated I just knew THAT exact thing would happen to him. So, like I said, glass half full none of that has happened! :)

What has happened is I got a call from our counselor yesterday while we were knee deep in the fall section of Hobby Lobby. (Don't judge me! I gave up my man card long ago when I got a pinterest!) She told me that he had fallen asleep in second hour at his desk. The teacher tried to wake him up, when she did they said he looked around at the other kids wide eyed & confused for a second then crawled under his desk to the fetal position. He wouldn't talk or make eye contact with anyone so the teacher called for the counselor. When the counselor arrived she told me that she tried to talk to him nice & slow for a second telling him that she has a soft bean bag chair in her office that he could come relax on. He took his backpack & headed to her office where she let him decompress for a while before he could even talk to her. She told me that after he started to talk again she assured him he wasn't in any kind of trouble & gave him the option to go back to school for the rest of the day or she could call me to see about going home. He made the decision to go back to class. I'm so proud & happy that he made the very grown up choice to go back to class but I'm not gonna' lie I wanted to rush to that school, pick him up, & get him home! Sometimes I realize that he is way braver than I am.

Annie likes to tag along when picking up kids

I normally pick him up separately from the other boys. We pick up the two boys at the elementary & then I drop them off at home with mom so I can pick Jayden up just me & him. I took him to sonic for a green apple slush with nerds in it to ask him how his day was, he didn't know the counselor called me. He went over his entire day with me, telling me how it was a good day with no problems at all! I gently pushed & pushed telling him he was acting like something had happened or he was not telling me everything. Even without the call I would have known something was up because he was obviously acting out of the norm being overly animated & evasive. Almost like you would see a character act when they are hiding something on a cartoon or kids TV show. I pushed one last time before telling him I got a call. I said 'Jayden I'm going to order our drinks & I want you to think about your day. I know from the way you are acting that something has happened or there is something that has thrown you off a bit. Think about it while I'm ordering, maybe there is something that happened that you 'FORGOT' about. Either way I am going to email or call the teachers to check so please be honest with me & think really hard." Sure enough after I ordered he put his hand to his chin like a sitcom character rubbing it & saying 'hmmmm' Then he said "You know, there is one thing I just remembered that happened today!" He told me about what happened telling me that he remembered being very sleepy & then waking up under his desk curled up.

Going over the night before in my mind there was nothing out of the ordinary. Bed time was the same as it always is, reading books, saying good night, up in the morning like normal, everything was in line. Usually you can see these things headed your way but this one caught me off guard a bit. We haven't had anything like this happen since about 3rd grade. I can even remember in kindergarden them having problems with him going under the desk to seek refuge or wandering the halls because he got out of someones sight for a minute but that was a long time ago! Time will tell I guess.

Practice Practice Practice!

I think band is keeping him somewhat on point. I'm not sure if I mentioned it in my last post, he was approved to play the drums. The snare drum! Yeah... Up to this point its not bad because I haven't actually heard him play the snare, he has a practice pad that is soft & pretty quiet so thats a big plus. $775 for supplies to play the drums & we get Xylophone, Snare practice pads, & sticks but no drums. You would think I would be upset about that but yeah...nope. Lets keep the drums at school for now shall we! :)

Back To School Day 2, Okay The Honeymoon's Over

Remember that time a long time ago… like… yesterday, when I posted about what an awesome day he had on the first day of middle school & everything was gonna be just fine? You remember that? Yeah, the dad who wrote that is gone. Today he got kicked in the face by reality & then Autism stepped on his rose color glasses of optimism. I'm back in charge now. Regular ol' cynical Tom that is not so much a glass half full guy but not really a glass half empty guy either, more of a I spilled my glass in my lap & now it looks like I peed on myself kinda guy!

When my son got home today he was so overwhelmed & over stimulated as he tried to tell us about his day no words would come out. I sat on the couch listening to him make groaning noises like he was physically trying to push the words out of his mouth three or four times then two words would come out then groaning then two words & so on. We haven't been to that place in a long time but let me tell you it was a big punch in the gut. Probably a good one to be honest with you. I may have needed a wake up to the fact that YES we are back in school, YES you do need to get your 'A' game back out of the back of the closet & lace up your boots because it's about to get real. Not to say he had a bad day but it was obviously a lot to take in & with it being only the second day of school I'm sure the teachers, staff, & special education teachers are trying to normalize themselves as well as learn their new kids. So I'm really just at a time where all we can do is decompress him as best as we can & send him back into the lions den as prepared as he can be.

 Any time we are off school be it for summer, spring break, or even Christmas break the first week (sometimes month, I know you feel THAT pain) is the real test of a parents mental capacity. Summer is a special kind of hell though because at least with the other times you know the environment they are stepping into & have a dialog. Back to school time is just a waiting game. My head tells me "You have to give HIM time, you have to give THEM time, & you have to just be there for anything that's needed" but my Dad-ness tells me "Lets take a mulligan this week, get some grilled cheese sandwiches, & watch adventure time together!" 

I know it will get better & after my wife giving me the only medicine that will cure an over bearing dad's racing thoughts (Chicken, Mac & Cheese, & 12 year old bourbon) I am feeling better. So yeah, thanks 'Kids Growing Up' you've successfully killed Doe-Eyed Dad & brought back fatty comfort food eating dad but that's okay. Tomorrows another day! 

PS just to be completely clear, because I know my wife will read this post I have to clarify: Fatty Comfort Food Eating Tom never REALLY went anywhere! That was a total turn of phrase & had no truth as to my eating habits which are…less than healthy… yeah that's the terminology I'm going to use! 

6th Grade Here We Come! {Middle School Vs. Autism}

Wow! The last bit of school was great, the summer was even better, & as I came to the realization that I was about to have a 6th grader this week I did several things. 1st. Melt Into A Puddle Of Dad Sludge  2nd. I put myself back together thanks to the nice people at Blue Bell :) 3rd. I decided it was about time to jump back to the blog! That's when I realized that I hadn't posted, other than small social media posts, since march! Wow!

Things have been good! We took the summer head on with the boys first trip to my favorite place on earth, Colorado! Pikes peak was below freezing, hiking in the Rock Mountain National Park, & having snowball fights in the middle of summer were just a few of the things we did. You can see some highlights from our trip on our photography blog if it tickles your fancy! I think I've just about got my wife convinced that if I can market our studio in CO a bit & book enough weddings as well as portrait sessions we may try to start spending a month or two in the summer there. We'll cross our fingers.

Like I said, 6th grade! How did this happen? I remember him being born, taking a first step, & then BAM here we are. Don't even get me started on the other two boys, Zion (with an anxiety disorder & MERLD) started the 3rd grade & Deano (Completely painfully NT to the bone) starts 1st grade. This summer has been so amazing, it was like we took a vacation from Autism! Granted I know we still did the same things we always do; routines, de-stressing, all of our autism adaptations. The difference this summer was it was all normal for us, no big hiccups or hurdles! We just rolled through. It was great! That's why I think it was even more scarier than I thought it was going to be when it was time to snap back to the real wold & start gearing up for middle school. All of a sudden I was all 'BACK TO THE WAR ROOM' starting to plan strategies for the transition & digging out my big boy panties to make sure we are ready to go to bat for the kid. 

When we heard that the orientation was a 'Drop off the kids, parents aren't welcome till the end of the day' style thing I went into 'Its okay, Its okay, I'll just talk it out' mode but when I couldn't get ahold of anyone to talk to I escalated to Dad-Con 4. My wife put it out on Facebook & what happened? The teachers, staff, & principal from the elementary school stepped up (a lot of them are on our Facebook) to give support as well as advice. The principal even made a call to the middle school personally to talk to them about Jayden & to make sure someone gave me a call to talk about him! It doesn't get any better than that. She really went above & beyond, I don't know what we would do with out such an amazing set of advocates in our corner! I know not everyone has that so I'm being mindful to stay thankful. 

He came from the first day excited. The fact that he has science the first hour of the day & is working on picking what instrument he wants to play in the band is great. We are currently deciding between the xylophone & the snare drum so that should be… interesting… yeah, that's the word I'll use! 

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to keep up to date on Facebook.

I love that this photo captures the boys 100% Zion makes a goofy face (his classic defense mechanism), Jayden makes not a drop of eye contact, & Dean is just as A-Typical as you can get!!

A Once In A Lifetime Trip To The Zoo! {Take THAT Autism}

I've fallen off the blogging wagon here recently & after talking to my brain (better known as my wife) I realize it's mainly because things have been super good! That's not something I like to admit, that I blog more when things are hard with my son, but it's totally true! I imagine it's because blogging is cathartic but I know that reading good news is cathartic of me so maybe my good times blogs will help others! Speaking of good times blog… MAN do I have one!

I'm going to keep this short because no words can translate how much of a big deal this is & I know you all can feel that as well. It wasn't that long ago my son wouldn't touch some things, wouldn't eat somethings, he had a lot of texture issues. We have worked on that as well as his other reservations & issues. These were put to the test this weekend & got blown out of the water! I've said it before & now I am even more convinced that when autism butts heads with 11 year old boy 99% of the time 11 year old boy will win!

We are wedding photographers & photography takes us some pretty amazing places! We get to interact with celebrities on a regular basis, we travel to amazing locations, & we become part of our clients lives. We photographed a wedding at the Oklahoma City Zoo last year & we thought we hit the jackpot because I LOVE the zoo! Shortly after that wedding we got a call from the events manager who worked with us on that day, she was getting married & wanted to book us. I met them & shortly after did their engagement photos, it was beautiful. After getting a job offer at another venue that she couldn't pass up she decided to leave the Zoo after many years of being a part of that family. To remember those times & as a cool one of a kind couple shoot she arranged for crazy behind the scenes access at the Zoo & asked us to go with them to photograph the day. Not only photograph but bring the kids along to let them be a part of it as well! Giant Galapagos tortoise, bears, sea lions, seals, giraffes, stingrays, & more! All three boys, including Jayden, jumped in & those autism issues that we work through & that rear their head at times just disappeared giving way to the excitement of having your face kissed by a sea lion!

Petting a stingray.. just an average sunday!

Like a very wet dog!

Feeding the stingrays

Getting a feel right after watching them get a bath

Our new family photo!

They REALLY wanted to ride him!

Feeling the texture of a 100 year old shell

I'm not sure if he was shocked at the mouth or mimicking the bite but I love that face!

This one followed Zion around because his shirt was the same color as a carrot! 

Tug O War!

Yummy!

I don't think either one of them knew what to think about the other!

No one is shy!

Learning… up close & personal

One big happy family

Say AWWWWWW 

No, your breath is great! A bit fishy but great!

So, What's The New Cause Of Autism This Week?

It happens once or twice a year. A "new" story breaks in the news about  'The Cause Of Autism" & the debate begins again. Not really a debate but more spouting talking points, for that matter most of the stories aren't really stories just buzz words, & to be 100% honest most of the articles are not really new anyway.

Never the less I heard a story about how older dads are more likely to have kids with autism & that got me to thinking. Now that its 2014, lets take a quick search to see what causes autism! Seeing as a massive amount of organizations raise hundreds of millions of dollars to fund research into the causes of autism instead of funding services I'm sure they've got this thing locked up. I mean surely if they were just going to throw out a bunch of wildly different ridiculous hypotheses with pretty thin science behind them surely they would maybe do something worth while like maybe put all cash in a big fund that just issues checks to families with kids on the spectrum so they can have a bit of help with things they need. You know therapies, weighted blankets, tuition, safety equipment for the house, anti-depressants for mom & dad, frozen chicken nuggets by the pallet load, minecraft shirts, expensive cigars & vintage whiskey for those days when grandma takes the kids to the science museum… 

Sorry, I trailed off there for a second.

Anyway here's what I found:

• Older Dads More Likely To Have Kids With Autism
• Asthma As A Risk Factor For Autism
• Air Pollution Exposure Increases Risk Of Autism
• New List Of Toxic Chemicals Causing Autism Published
• Humans Are Responsible For Nearly 62% Of All Cougar Deaths
• Mother's Genes May Explain Autism Prevalence In Boys

     & my personal favorite, an old post from THIS BLOG titled:

• Jenny McCarthy's Tears Cure Autism! {The Shocking Story Revealed}

Very informative reading in that last one but my hands down favorite is with out a doubt the story about the alarming rate of cougar deaths! Not sure why that came up when I searched for the cause of autism.

Mediocre Parenting Lessons From The Movie Labyrinth

I love reading these types of posts from other bloggers & I love coming up with them myself, so I decided I would take a bit to see what Parenting Nuggets one of my favorite movies growing up had to offer!

 Creatures, Babies, Monsters, David Bowie, David Bowie's Hair, & David Bowies stretchy pants have a lot to offer in the way of mediocre parenting advice.

So here we go. 

1. "I wish the goblins would come & take you away! Right Now!" 

Yeah, that's right, I started with it! The day I'm writing this post happens to be a snow day so no school on a Monday = me borderline kidding, borderline seriously asking David Bowie to appear & take these kids away to the castle. Although I'm pretty sure after about 3 hours of Minecraft YouTube tutorials & knock down drag out fights over the iPad he would just bring them back!

2. "It's not fair!!"  "You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?" 

I remember saying this to my parents & I remember the explanation. "This isn't fair dad!"  "No its not! A fair is where you go to see a bearded lady & the worlds smallest horse!" Life's not fair kids, welcome to earth.

3. "It's only forever, not long at all" 

 I try to get this across to my kids often. Fight, bicker, call names, but your family is your family forever. My rules may suck & you may in fact "NEVER TREAT MY KIDS LIKE THIS!" but like it or not I'll be your dad forever.

4. "If you so  much as set a foot in the Bog Of Eternal Stench, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life"

 Seriously, how does so much stench come out of such small kids!?! BO, Socks, Farting, Laughing so hard at the fact that they farted that they fart again, burping the alphabet, & my personal favorite… "Skid Marks" These are not the things that Mr & Mrs Cleaver dealt with, no one told me about this part! 

5. "I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, & do exactly as I say." 

Really though, that's all I ask! This one statement sums up my whole parenting strategy! Is it really to much to ask of me to never have to really get on to you kids but that you be so scared of me getting upset that you never do anything wrong!? 

6. "Things are not always what they seem in this place. So you can't take anything for granted... quite often it seems like we are not getting anywhere, when in fact we are. So the way forward is sometimes the way back…"

     Heh, will you listen to this crap? This actually comes up in my life a bunch. How may times am I giving a lecture or a stern talking to only to get tongue tied or say something stupid? The worst is when I say something while talking to the kids (as they are getting in trouble) that is also an inside joke of my wife &  I  only to hear her snickering from the other room.  Example is song lyrics. You know how hard it is when I holler at the kids "Stop What You're Doin'!" only to hear her laugh at me because we both know that we are both thinking the lyrics to the Humpty Dance by Digital Underground! 

Okay, stop what you're doin', cause I'm about to ruin the
image & the style that you're used to. I look funny but yo
I'm makin' money!

Valentines Day, Shmalentines Day & Birthday Blues

The Family Band

We are not Valentines Day people. The kids get some candy at school, my parents (as they do for every holiday) get gifts for everyone, but that's about it! My wife & I have never really done Valentines, it's just not something that has ever appealed to us. (Trying not to sound like one of your annoying pretentious faceboook friends! You know the one I'm talkin' about "I don't celebrate the commercialization of my love by the card companies!") We just spend a lot of time together since we work together & we do what we want when ever we want so every day is like valentines. All that being said we do use any excuse at all to spend time together. As a gift last week my wife gave me the wink to let me know it was okay to buy a beautiful guitar I have had my eye on for a long time.

   My geek dad dreams came true the other day when they boys came home to see it & Jayden pulled up a can to show me how he could keep the beat with any song I played. When we started to play (& he kept perfect time) the other two come running in with a keyboard & little guitar to play as well! I'm trying not to show my excitement but they were totally into it as we sat & played bluegrass songs I was pretty much in heaven! Best Day Ever.

   Jayden will be 11 tomorrow, February 15th, so we have had a trip to the Oklahoma Science Museum on the books for a while. It was supposed to be a family trip until today when Zion got in the car from school & was white as a ghost! That sheet white, ashy gray lips, & sunken in eyes that screams "Death Warmed Over". Getting him home we fired up a breathing treatment & checked his vitals. If you know anything about O2% then you know from the photo he was about 3 shades of up creek without a paddle. Zion's asthma & weak lungs are a constant worry but he has been so good for a long while now with only a few little attacks but today he had me worried there for a second! Breathing treatments, steroids, some smart water & we were right as rain… as much as can be expected anyway. Both he & my youngest are starting to look/feel sick so we tried to roll with it! They can just go to grandma's house while mom, Jayden, & I head to the museum for birthday fun! Day saved! No sooner did we come to that idea did I look over & Jayden looked like… well…. take a look…

From Fine to Sick In 30 Minutes Flat! A New House Record!!

  Yeah, all of a sudden it hit him! Watery eyes, the nose, the tummy, & a head ache. A big dose of medicine later we will see how things look in the morning. We may be hanging at the house for our 11th birthday. A good night sleep will tell I guess. I hope all of you are staying warm with the weather the way it is in the east. It was snowing & a for a week didn't get above freezing but now it's in the 60's. with the 70's on their way next week. Crazy Oklahoma weather. Anyway, happy Valentines Day from us to you!

Realizing I'm Not The Best Dad {& I'm Okay With That}

   I've never been big on calling parents heroes, unless of course that parent rescued a kid from an icy lake or something like that!  This is just me though. I'm cool with the use of the word or phrases like Autism Warrior Parents & others like that. It's cool, it's just not me!

 Even when I was working in EMS full time we would go into the local Walgreen's where a nice young lady worked who my partner & I worked on after a really bad car wreck. Every time we would go in she would tell everyone standing in line the story of how she crashed & couldn't remember anything but our faces as she drifted in & out of consciousness.  She insisted we saved her life, we were heroes, we were angels, but we weren't heroes…we weren't angels…we were medics & that's what medics do. I feel the same about fatherhood. A lot of time I get the 'Man, your the greatest dad' card or 'Your kids are so lucky to have such an amazing dad'. It's super flattering & I'm always as gracious as possible but in my eyes I'm not the greatest dad! The kids aren't always lucky to have me! I think the word hero is thrown around to easily these days. Again I say that's just my opinion.

   This blog is a part of it as well. I get emails talking about how I'm a hero for autism or Super Dad! Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on myself I just realize that I'm not the best dad. Not only is that okay but I think it's a good thing. I've decided if I could point out or shine a light on my flaws, & if people could see them but still realize that we get by okay. We deal with the good times & we hit the hard times head on. In the end everything turns out just fine. Maybe if it's clear that if this mediocre parent like me can rock the crap out of Autism & parenthood in general then who knows what you can do!

I get a lot of emails asking advice during hard times. I relate the best I can, tell them how I would do it or what I did when we were in a similar situation. I also usually make a point to tell them that I don't have any good advice other than it's not easy, black & white, or the same with any two kids. All I know is if you do your best & work hard to advocate for your kid your bound to catch a break sometime! That doesn't always sound too promising to a lot of parents but I find it funny that we autism parents have a different view. Us autism parents are not so Glass Half Full & not so much Glass Half Empty but more "Really The Glass Is Spilled All Over The Table Again? Well At Least The Glass Isn't Broken This Time!" We can find a little glimmer of hope in just about anything. We have to! If not you'll go crazy!
   
Well, I hope this came across like I wanted it to. I hope I didn't come off as a... you know…

 I had the awesome opportunity to appear on Autism-Live last week! Check out the clip below. If you've never heard of Autism-Live they have a bunch of great resources so check them out.



****UPDATE****

P.S. I realize after publishing this blog, I felt really good about the message but also realized I didn't really point out any of my flaws so I wanted to address those here:

Tom's Flaws & Shortcomings As Not Only A Father But Husband:

• I am THE single most sarcastic person on the face of the planet! Yes, I have a kid with Asperger's & I can not help but use relentless sarcasm 100% of the time!
• I sing everything I say to my wife… really like 70% of everything out of my mouth is in song form. I make up songs to tell her dinner is ready, I make up songs to tell her I need to run to the dollar store, make up wildly inappropriate songs to badger/heckle/razz her , & yes I make up songs to intise her to... love me ;)  (HUSBANDS please note that the last song type mentioned works only about .001% of the time & even when you break out the Antonio Bandarez voice it will still be very unsuccessful!)
• I sometimes let the kids say bad words when mom isn't around! That's right, I said it! When my wife is out of the house we fart, say off limits words like crap, & make inappropriate jokes about nuts! (They went to see the new animated movie Nut Job & came back with a new slew of "Hey daddy, the squirrel was trying to hide his….nuts hahahaha! Yeah so that's inappropriately cute but when my youngest got in the car the other day & said to his mom "It's so cold out there! I'm freezin my nuts off!" We both got a talking to & now don't make those jokes!)
• Lastly, my full luscious head of hair. These kids think that they are gonna be okay but they are not. Every guy in my family is bald.  I've just dodged a bullet by some sort of sick luck & will almost, without a doubt, be bald by the late thirties! (This is simultaneously a bad thing for that reason & one of the only things I still have going for me as well!)

Okay okay you think a guy could be serious for a second but nope, I can't! Sorry! :) 

Post-Christmas Break Break Down {The Sky Is Now Officially Falling}

   Every year after the Christmas break is over & school starts back we have problems! Is this just my son or is this common, I bet it happens to a lot of our kids! It sucks & we knew it was going to suck but no matter how well you think you are prepared for something you know what? It still sucks!
  It's partially my fault for taking the first few weeks of "How was your day Jayden?" "GREAT!" he would say. Yeah…just gonna take that a face value! Yesterday I pushed to find out how things were really going & found out what I should have know, if you don't watch where you're going while driving the titanic you're going to hit an ice burg! Yeah… we hit an ice burg!
   Piles of old papers stuffed in his desk that stood as high as his desk itself, I learned from his teacher. That poor woman who I can only imagine probably, after this year of school, talks in her sleep… "Jayden, what are you doing?….Jayden, why is all this work in your desk?… Jayden, why are you crying?… "
    I have been trying all my tricks to get this under control this year before we head to middle school next year. (I don't even want to think about it!) We have now moved from taking things away like game time or TV time when he has done something wrong to taking most everything away & making him earn everything back through successful work & life habits. Will this work? Hell if I know but man, I sure hope so! My hope is that without the distractions of things that we normally allow a bit of throughout the week like TV, Netflix, & generally Zombie-ing out around the house & making him mostly stay in his happy place(his room) reading, working on some of his projects that are a bit more brain stimulating maybe we can get him to where he needs to be! We spent a long time yesterday talking & going over our new way of doing things yesterday. A lot of tears were shed, many "I wish you would get hit by a truck" looks were given, & I think we all understand each other now.  We didn't get there without some rough patches of the conversation though. About mid way through out talk I asked Jayden "How does this all sound to you? How do you view this? You can tell me how it makes you feel & you're not going to get into trouble or offend anyone, just be honest & lets communicate." I got an answer that cut me like rusty prison shiv! "Honestly, it sounds like the start of a very horrible life" So yeah… at that point I wanted to say "I don't care about school, lets go out for ice cream & head to the science museum!" But I controlled myself & we talked a lot about responsibility, perspective, & the ripple effect that is set off by his actions.
     Long day! Looooong day! Today he came home with a positive attitude, had all his work in his bag,  & he got his snack then headed to his room to work some sort of invention out of circuits that I'm sure I will hear all about tomorrow.

Not Even Jenny McCarthy Believes Jenny McCarthy Anymore!! {The Great Autism Flip-Flop}

I need to charge my phone!

   When I read about Jenny McCarthy or see her speak on TV I sometimes feel like I should be watching the trailer for a bad scary movie! The deep movie guy voice comes on.. "In a world where crazy is used as currency… One woman is the richest in the land…" It's not to hard to find out how I feel about her, her views, & the super harmful misinformation she spreads without any facts or real knowledge to back it up. I hadn't heard from her in a while & we try to keep clear of The View as well but someone just posted this on my Facebook & I was pretty….well see for yourself! "Jenny McCarthy Abandons Her Controversial Position On Vaccines"
   Really? Really!?! Come on now. I'm sorry but when I saw this I really had to check twice to see if this was something Jon Stewart posted or maybe a satire news site like the Onion but nope! You spent the last 7 years spouting anti vaccine propaganda & being the driving force behind an organization that scares the crap out of me!
   Her preaching her crazy then flipping on it reminds me of a guy I used to know! He had something similar going on in his life…

  Man! That really happened! You can really just do almost anything you want when you are a celebrity & have some money. Crazy! Anyway…I'm pushing my soap box back under the table! I know I've got some of you who are anti vaccine & maybe even a couple McCarthy fans (I'm sure she has done some good things, I don't know of any but it could happen) but its just an issue I'm passionate about, I've spent to many years working in ambulances & the ER to not be vocal about something that I know saves lives!

An Open Letter To My Children On This, Our 5th Day Snowed In Together

To: The leadership of the "KIDS" tribe of the Hibben Home

From: Dad aka 'Hey You' aka 'Dude' aka 'Momma…I mean Dad'

Date: Sunday, Dec. 8th 2013 @7:40PM After receiving the call that school is cancelled tomorrow

Dear Sirs,

   I have just been notified that school will NOT be in session tomorrow & as a result of this as well as the thick ice that is on our street we will be forced to co-habitat in this house without the possibility of 'Me Time' for, I believe, the 5th day. I say I believe because I have lost count at this point & it feels like it's been 100 years.
   As this situation is unavoidable due to my wife, your mother's, mandate that I not "Endanger The Children's Lives" by taking unnecessary trips to wal-mart I have come up with a few simple terms that will make for a truce that I know both our people's can live with so that peace & harmony will be enjoyed by all.

The Treaty Of Squatting Kid Creek

Terms:

• If kids awake before sunrise or, more importantly, before Dad-Rise the kids CAN play Minecraft, watch 'Netflix Kids', play iPad games or any other Parent-Sanctioned activity as long as that activity meets the following requirements: It Doesn't Wake The Parents!
• Pop Tarts, OJ, & Multiple Cereals will be made available to your people but NO, I repeat NO, Rice Crispy Treats may be touched. 
• This land we share overflows with resources: iPad, iPod, TV, Netflix, Wii, & 2 iMac Computers. These resources must be shared by your people & not fought over because someone is putting lava on someone else's house in minecraft or another obvious act of war.

 Violation of these terms will be viewed as an ACT OF WAR against Dad & you will be retaliated against with the full force of the Parental Arsenal.

  I know if these terms are agreed to & the members of your tribe abide by them we will all live in peace. With a bit of understanding & you three steering clear of my room so I don't get woken up before 6:30AM I know we will not end up like the Donner Party…I'm looking at you middle son…I WILL cook you rotisserie style!

4" Of Snow & 16 Degrees Outside! Fun…for about 7 minutes

Dean loves him some snow angels! 

Thanksgiving Thankfulness! {Melatonin, Minecraft, & Whiskey!}

  Thanksgiving is here again! This year it's a double whammy because as some of you know we pull double duty at out home celebrating two sets of holidays & seeing as Hanukkah overlaps with Thanksgiving we are neck deep & drowning in thankfulness this year. Couple those two with the fact that we are a weak… WEAK family so the other day when it was sleeting & snowing we went ahead & put up our Christmas tree as well. Yep, we are THAT family! I figured we would be okay as long as we didn't put up the outside decorations so passersby don't know our secret shame!  
 After some serious decorating & school letting out we really tried to spend some time driving home the meaning of the holidays at the same time getting some family time in without making it seem like we were putting a gun to the kids head. Our first attempt failed! Rudolph came on last night & we were all jazzed up for it but when we sat down to watch Jayden says "Do I have to watch this? I've seen it like 1000 times… No offense" hey, the kid said no offense! I'll take it! So after that failed we tried seeing what everyone was thankful for. Zion was thankful for the dog, Annie. Dean was thankful for Momma  & Daddy. Jayden was thankful for… Minecraft!

     Thankfulness, perspective, being humble is all a work in progress in our house…not just for the kids either. I know someone who need their head screwed on straight everyone once in a while because the ego gets out of hand or this person may or may not get cocky from time to time & it's also been mentioned that this person is a grumpy cuss at times too so you know…. we all could use these holidays to help ground us & remind us whats important! Oh & that person I was talking about. I know all about that person because… well… know that person well… Totally talking about my wife… yeah… super cocky, egotistical, grumpy cuss :) Please don't tell her I made that joke! She's so pretty! 

   On to what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving! So here is my list!!

I'm thankful for Minecraft! Yeah, that's right I said it! I'm thankful because not only does it hold their interest but it also is probably the best baby sitter I've ever had…yeah that's right I said that too!! What! Granted it bites you from time to time by spurring an hour explanation about minecraft & what awesome thing I NEED to know about minecraft!

I'm SOOOO thankful for Melatonin! I can still vividly remember the nights before our friend Melatonin came to visit when Zion would sleep 30 minutes a night. Jayden would be up 5 or 6 times. I am SO thankful for Melatonin! The fact that they make it in Gummy form so its not a fight to get them to take it is just icing on the cake! 

Turkey! After a long day of being a parent sometimes you HAVE to have some Turkey…

Wait… Hold On…

aahhhh, that's better! That's the kind of Turkey I'm talkin' about! Lets try that again! I'm not saying my kids push me to have a drink sometimes… but they defiantly make me appreciate the hours of 8PM - 11PM in that magical time between when they are in bed but before I go to bed! That special time when I can watch the news, eat a bowl of the name brand ice cream that I have hidden in the back of the freezer, & at times have a big ol' glass of whiskey!

I'm thankful for the odd ball crew I've been blessed with! They are unlike any other & that's A-OK with me!

Lastly…. 

I'm thankful for this hot slice of mom! She puts up with ALOT that while are not all appropriate to tell you about here on the blog here are just a few that will help you admire her strength not to put something in my drink so she can be done with me:

- Eating bad food despite warnings from her only to complain to her after

- Randomly breaking out into song, not good songs either! Bad obscure 90's R&B & HipHop

- 70% of all things said to me end up somehow being worked into me spiting an obscure movie quote back

- That I forget something the minute she tells me only to remember & think it's an original idea a short time late & go running in to tell her!

- That even when she is sick, tired, scrubby feeling, or down right pissed off I have no sense of what good timing is & WILL make a pass at her that 80% of the time includes some type of wildly inappropriate pickup line or an outright offensive act that may or may not include things like a pat on the behind.

& that's not even the worse parts! She's an amazing woman!

Have A Great Thanksgiving & A Happy Hanukkah!