You know that show "Kids Say The Darndest Things!" in the 90's with Bill Cosby where the Bill would stand by while the kid would spout off something crazy & everyone would say "Awe, how cute!" then head home thinking "Boy, kids sure are cute!" Well, let me tell you something about my aspie Jayden, he would officially not be welcomed back by Bill if he "darnedest things" that he said involved the things he wrote about his teacher today!My sweet little boy who is one of the most soft spoken, big blue eyed, well behaved, & all around gentle kids I have ever met in my life has had a rough go at the 3rd grade this year! We started off the year with a few papers not done, okay I can handle that. We have always had a hard time keeping him on task. Later on we had issues with him stuffing papers in his desk instead of doing them or bringing them home. We addressed it & while we still had problems we have done our best to stay on top of it! Then we went through the WAY out of character violent out burst where he tried to choke another kid because the kid cut in line. Today how ever was a new one! Among the half done desk stuffed papers Jayden's teacher found drawlings of the school that said things like "I hate school!" as well as pictures he drew of the teacher saying thins like "Big Fat Meanie" & "LAZY". Between those & him throwing/kicking things because he was upset & frustrated he was sent to the office to have a talk with the principle since the special education teacher & counselor were not available.
We were pretty floored by all this! I know he doesn't want to do his work, I know he says it's not hard & he knows how to do it already(even though he asks for help at times & gets As but not perfect grades), & I know that the school has tried many different strategies to no avail to get him to stay on task or even just do the work! I can handle all of that, we can deal with it as we always do but my little boy drew pictures of his teacher & wrote things on it that were just mean! We talked a good long while about this & he was very ashamed to the point of tears when I made him tell me out loud the things he called her. He really, seemingly, felt bad about it & knew that he had done something very wrong but things like this just seem to be a progression of issues that are escalating as he ages! He will be 9 next month! {Wow, really? I have a 9 year old! Man!} So? Thoughts? Comparable Problems? Comments on my bad spelling & 5th grade writing style? Leave your comments with what you think below, feedback is good! We have dealt with many many issues but this aggression & defiance is new territory for us!
I keep up with your facebook posts but don't know all the history. Has your son used medication to help stabalize behavior or focus on tasks? We used the gfcf diet when our son was younger and it really did make a difference. We stopped in 3 rd grade because we thought he was old/mature enough to manage his behavior but we still used medication which he would "grow out of" so we've used many ADHD meds through the years. Now - 7th grade and he doesnt want meds!! I compromised by asking the doctor to decrease the dosage. Doing great!
ReplyDeletewhile we're not there yet (our son is ASD and only 4) and I think you guy is the first born- isn't their job to be defiant and question authority at that age? I'm sure he didn't realize the full implications of his actions but that more importantly he just wanted to get his point across. I remember doing hurtful things at that age but not really knowing what the severity of that was until I much older (using words I didn't understand at the time, purposefully saying hurtful things...et) it's almost as if you know they hurt so you use them, but you don't know the depth of why.... I don't have any strategies for you unfortunately, but talking about it other than letting your little guy know the reasons why those things are hurtful (which it sounds like you did) I can't even manage potty training at this point- but just a reminder that sometimes not agreeing with authority can better our view of this world and challenges us. It's just how we go about it I guess. I'd imagine there must be more to it than work just being hard. Maybe he's mad at the teacher, maybe he feels unsuccessful, who knows- but it sounds like you are there to support him through it- and that's terrific.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea if this is going to work - but my lovely wonderful six year old Aspie boy gets aggressive on a regular basis. last year he smashed two LCD tvs...now our insurance has excluded him :). so we are going to try yoga and meditation as a calming device. no idea if it will work, but hey, can't hurt
ReplyDeleteHe needs an out when he is frustrated that is directly taught to him.ex:If a kid is driving you crazy step out of line and raise your hand(teacher needs to be in on the sign language and help out too). If the teacher is driving you crazy (this one is harder because the teacher has to understand over load)stop and take a break and then maybe change the way he is doing his work such as give a verbal response instead of written or jump up and down outside for a minute to get oxygen to the brain (I use a small trampoline in my work while I teach kids).
ReplyDeleteMy kid did the same in fourth, I took him out of school all together and the aggression and frustration stopped. Repetitive work drove him nuts, he could not handle his sensory system if he was tired or if he ate the wrong food or no food. He is still like that at 22 but highly creative (video game designer) and works in three different locations to peak his interest,works a lot. Martial arts classes taught him self control he started in third grade and it has really helped him not go with his feelings but first pay attention to the circumstances (martial arts skills of self control, actually kept him out of a fight at 17 that another young adult tried to start). If you go with martial arts pick a school of thought that the fight is the absolute last straw.
talking to him is great, we did a lot of that. Also video samples to help him see how the other person may feel and video on how to tell the other kid not to step in line without trying to choke him.
Sounds like Jayden is an awesome kid who is feeling a whole lot of frustration right now. My youngest turned 9 in November and has high-functioning autism. He is mainstreamed with an aide, and as you described Jayden, Alec is one of the sweetest, most loving people I have ever met. UNTIL he is frustrated. He is very smart, very verbal, but explaining what he needs or his emotions is too hard. That's when the outbursts happen. We then have to track back and find out the trigger and change it. Sounds like Jayden is giving everyone a big clue that he can't deal with the busy work. If he isn't being challenged, and is bored, he is going to lose it after awhile, and then he isn't going to be able to learn at all. In other words, if the school doesn't challenge him, or accommodate the fact that he doesn't need to do 10 worksheets on the same topic, then he will get overwhelmed and unable to "access his education" as provided for by law. I'd ask for a team meeting to figure out a new way to handle his work load. This doesn't mean you are claiming he is a genius, just that he needs a different mix. Maybe if he shows he knows his stuff, he can do something else - read, a higher level project, something hands on etc. Ours kids need out of the box thinking. Unfortunately, the schools aren't set up for that. Good luck!
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