Autism Wars {The Secret Of The Ooze}

     There are a boat load of articles out right now about Autism! I've read a lot of them & while they are not all bad, although some of them do in fact suck pretty bad, they all do have one thing in common. No, it's not the research that they are founded on. Nope, it's not the study of 5 kids that have been parent diagnosed & then after standing on their head while drinking milk through a red straw their autism was "cured" {although I've head that works but all we have is blue straws at our house}. It's not even the fact that most of them are written by people who have read a lot or know someones sisters cousin who's kid has autism. It's the fact that 90%, good or bad in their content, sound REALLY depressing! {P.S. they are also 72% full of crap so don't believe everything you read! Especially when I'm writing it!}     Here are a short list of some articles I've recently read:
  • The Autism Wars
  • Autism: another example of how being poor is bad for you
  • Overweight Moms: The Autism Link
  • Autism Link Found In Mutations in Father's Genes
  • Could Autism Be Reversed With A Pill?
  • Kris Humphries To Kanye West: "Good Luck Dude, You're Going To Need It"
  • Can Autism Be Diagnosed In Minutes With 7 Online Questions & A Home Video can't make this stuff up! Well, someone can I guess. (I'm lookin at you author of The Autism Pill story!)
Feel free to send hate mail or general dissapointment in me to:
     I'm not saying you have to be all roses & butterflies but man, these all depress me! Not only are they a bit gloomy but A lot of the articles I read keep talkin about the billion dollars that's been spent on research & how that is juuuuuust about to bear fruit! To me that's the equivalent to when the News breaks in while you are eating saying there is a recall on the food you are eating because of deadly contamination! Aaaaaaaaand we will let you know what NOT to eat to keep you safe at 5PM!! Combine that tub of crazy with 10 different studies saying 10 different things cause or contribute to risk of autism.
  •      "This just in! A new study finds that if you are over weight while pregnant you child may have autism"
  •      "This just in! If your husband is to old when you get pregnant your child may have autism!"
  •      "This just in! If you are poor your autistic child has a very limited chance of succeeding!"
  •      "This just in! If you are stressed about the previous article we sure hope you aren't pregnant because that may cause autism too!"
     I'm not against research or knowing all we can but man! My head hurts! I am really starting to develop my own theory that autism is cause by a freak accident that happened when a truck carrying some toxic chemical called "OOZE" to be disposed of when somehow a vile fell out & broke open exposing all of our children & has now set off a chain of event culminating in an evil figure using said ooze to create two super mutants to destroy....wait that's the plot to Ninja Turtles 2!! Never mind. I guess all I'm saying is that I feel lately like Autism is being put under a microscope, not because people want to help but because people want to be able to write it off or "fix" it so it doesn't cost them any money/services or loom over everyone like this thing that their kid might have.
     P.S. Thanks so much to for picking this blog as one of the 30 Best Autism Blogs of the year for the second year in a row as well as #2 in the Dad's Perspective category! It's so exciting & really cool. Click over & check out the other blogs on the list. If you are a new visitor please oh please click "Follow" over on the right & don't forget to visit me on Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram(username adventuresinaspergers)


  1. after reading this post i can see why picked you. hilarious! i have a son with autism and couldn't agree with you more. you can't make it through this without some humor. great post. i'll be reading more.

  2. not to mention the studies to determine whether autistic kids have bigger prettier eyes or larger brains. . .

    Speaking as an older father married to an emotionally distant overweight mother who vaccinated our child at 18 months and live in a horrible environment. . . i refute these claims!


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